Art helps me to express not only who I am but how I feel.
I’ve always loved to work in mixed media , and loved metallics, but they just weren’t shiny enough for me. That’s where I landed on gilding. I’m a bit of a magpie. For years no matter how I painted I’d hate my portraits. They never felt right to me. I think as an artist we always have self doubt and want to be better - it's what makes us who we are. So I started to deconstruct my training, go back and work on basic shapes and vivid colours that made me happy concentrating on structures, this was harder than I thought.
I suffered a full nervous breakdown a decade ago, which resulted in a stint of being sectioned. I'll never be the person that I was before my breakdown, but in some ways I feel this is a good thing. art helps me to express not only who I am but how I feel. If I'm in a bad space I know to leave certain pieces alone so that they don’t get ruined in the creative process. but some of my most inner vulnerability and honesty has been poured on to canvas, feelings, thoughts, fears and emotions that I've never found words for....they’re not always pretty aesthetically. My story like everyone else’s isn’t pretty. Sometimes we need to expel the ugly to take another step forward on our journey, and to help others know they are not alone.
From the mad crazy 2am thought that starts the process, all the little spider web links in the ideas, I have moments where I crash and think, oh my god what on earth have i done! Then I move to the thought of, I hate it, I'll never touch or work away from it, to persevering with it, to stepping back and feeling satisfied, accomplished and settled. I’ve never to date had the “Oh my god I love it!- it's perfect” because i think that we have to just keep going with it and pushing ourselves to be better. I think that's just how we are, that drive. The whole process I think is satisfying. It teaches me that despite the low downs, if i keep working it will all be good in the end.
